Smiling's my favorite...usually

I watched Elf last night. Can you tell?

Well, my life is over. Seriously. I failed ANOTHER class in grad school, and without giving too much away, in the profession I'm going into, THIS IS A BIG DEAL. So, I'm stuck waiting to see whether or not I will be kicked out. And, honestly, I don't know how I feel about it. I mean, OBVIOUSLY I feel like a failure, but on top of that, I wonder whether I can cut it for the rest of the 2-3 years I have left. I have just run out of motivation for school and I need to get it back! I SO want to succeed but I am also a person that likes to live in the moment more than thinking about how great life will be 3 years from now when I have my degree and a job making MONEY. The committee will meet and let me know in about a week. Until then, I will be floating through life trying not to think about how my world would be turned upside down and inside out if I am no longer able to continue down this path. Would I have to move back home? Could I apply to another school here? What would I tell people? Why do I care so much what people think? Is this the career I still want to pursue? I'm such an idiot! What will I do for money? How will I ever pay my parents back for what all they've invested in my grad school so far?

Now, to my parents. They are THE BEST PARENTS IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD! When I called my dad today to tell him, the first thing he said was that he and my mom were ALWAYS proud of me no matter what, that he loved me, and when I started crying, he told me that he was going to drive the 9 HOURS to see me tonight because he didn't want me to be alone (even though I have been with friends all week) and that he was going to do everything in his power to keep me from getting kicked out. And then he asked me yet again if this was really what I wanted to do and he made me assure him that I wasn't doing any of this just to please him because he would be happy with me if I was a teacher, a baker, a candlestick maker, or (anything, probably as long as it didn't involve getting money for sexual favors or something, I'm guessing). And that made me cry even more.

I guess I'll know if I need to pull out my magic 8 ball and make some major life decisions in about 7 more days. Wish me luck.

I love my parents. Thank you for being my mom and dad, Mom and Dad!

P.S. They don't read this blog, obviously, but they still need to get props!